I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
