in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
