Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
When are your genitals available?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
