As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
