When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
