the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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