my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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