Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
