lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
my phone needs a breathalizer
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
