just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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