Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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