I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I have demons in me.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize