fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
