I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
