fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
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Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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