I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
