just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
