If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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