In the future we'll all be gay
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I use my feet as sexual weapons
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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