ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
