the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
