Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
