I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
