My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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