Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
