we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
