You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
