go do what you do best...puke behind churches
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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