I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
