Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
