Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
dude i'm inner monologue high
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
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i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
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I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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