I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
