Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
