I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
