M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
