Someone shit on the floor
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
drinking out of a sandbucket again
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
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