We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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