My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
