you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
