I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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