I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
