Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
