I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I came so hard my ears popped.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
