people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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