then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I checked into jail on foursquare
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize