It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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