I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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