Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
