I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
