what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
