I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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