chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
