She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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