I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
