I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
