So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
