God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I need to calm my uterus...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
