Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
