Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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