dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize