I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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