The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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