Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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