If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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