nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The adults are the big ones right?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
