Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
