very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
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Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
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Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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