I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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