Got a toothbrush?
She is in my trunk
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Randomize
