I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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