Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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