her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
