I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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